Archive | April 2014

Russell Wilson Makes Me Feel Bad About Myself

Russell Wilson Credit: Peter Yang

Russell Wilson is the man. 3rd round pick to Super Bowl in only two years, and the guy is only getting better. He’s not just a game manager and that is huge. Wilson is a legitimate threat to run for a first down, hit somebody on the long ball, and to just throw the ball away when the play isn’t there, maybe the most important trait in a young QB. Having lived in NY I’ve seen more interceptions out of the combined efforts of the Jets and Giants recent QBs than the normal NFL fan is used to. So being able to trust a player in only his 3rd year is an amazing feeling for a football fan. The man crush on Russell is pretty sizable. But it would be a lot bigger if he didn’t make me feel like a complete waste of life every day on his Instagram. The things that this man does on a daily basis compared to anything I have done present a solid case for why I should be killed for wasting air. I took the time between my scheduled self loathing masturbation sessions to really get a good feel on why Big Russ makes me wanna jump off a bridge.

 

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There is Russell Wilson thanking Jesus for all he has and doing a sweet pic stitch of his many touchdowns.

There is a picture of me, viciously Icing my buddy at like 10 in the morning. Why did I do it? No reason at all other than I like seeing him in pain.

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Here is Mr. Wilson taking the time off from the busy life of being a professional athlete by just relaxing and being a professional athlete in another sport. I fizzled out of D3 basketball. Russell Wilson needed to decide which pro sport to play.

The above picture was the closest I will ever get to pro sports. Because I was a spot on Rex Ryan. Later that night I promised a girl the Super Bowl next year and fucked her feet. I’m like Christian Bale, full commitment to the role.

 

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“Oh, I’m a Super Bowl Champion with the entire World in front of me from this point forward. Maybe I have time to kick back and relax? Nope I have #NoTime2Sleep. Better hit the ladder, throw some fade routes, and workout. Sleep? Haven’t heard of it, I’m to busy winning for sleep.”-Russell Wilson

These pictures showcase my diet, not once in awhile, always.Wings,  burritos, and pizza. All washed down with beer. I weighed 180 lbs my senior year of high school. Clocked in at a cool 255 lbs the other week. That is a solid 15 pounds a year. I gained a 4th grader. I’m team #EatTerriblyImmediatelyBeforeSleep

I feel like I did this to show the insane difference between what Russell and I view as important. He thinks it is good to show the fans how hard he is working and appreciates his life. I think people would like to see my half eaten burrito. Based on Instagram Russell Wilson’s life score=100,000. Bat Brennan’s current score=5, solely because I crushed that Sexy Rexy costume.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Goodnight Moon

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I have always loved How I Met Your Mother. Been a huge fan since I binged through the first 6 seasons on Netflix three years back. The finale was trash. Still loved the show. And Cobie Smulders is fucking hot. So here is Robin before she ends up with the worst character on the show, Ted. “Oh no a spoiler!”  Grow up, the finale was Monday if you haven’t watched it by now you were asking for this.

 

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A Simple Ass Gif

 

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Don’t know who this is. Don’t care. Give me a perfect ass in yoga pants in a kitchen and I’m happy.

Boy Scouts of America- Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

 

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SEATTLE — The Boys Scouts of America has removed an openly gay troop leader in Seattle after saying he made an issue out of his sexual orientation.

The organization told 49-year-old Geoff McGrath in a letter Monday that “it has no choice but to revoke your registration” after he told news media he was gay.

McGrath said Tuesday he was stunned. He has been leading Seattle Troop 98 since its application was approved last fall. He told The Associated Press he plans to continue with his duties.

The Boy Scouts of America began accepting openly gay youths this year after a bitter nationwide debate, but it continues to exclude openly gay adults from leadership positions.

In a statement Tuesday, the organization said it “does not proactively inquire about the sexual orientation of our members” but that McGrath provided information to national leadership and the media that led to his removal.

 — The Associated Press

 

Gotta respect the Boy Scouts here. Not because of the anti-gay thing. I love the gays. Cam from Modern Family might be the funniest guy on television. At the dog park my pup Oakley humps just as many guy dogs as bitches, and we are still tight. Found out the truth about my Uncle Peter’s “roommate” Peter when I was like 13, and I love those queers. So yes, I am totally against the Boys Scouts kicking out Seattle’s version of Big Gay Al.

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But you HAVE TO respect the balls on the Boy Scouts for taking this stand in Seattle. Other than San Fran, Seattle and Portland are the gay capitals of the West Coast. Just the epicenter of political correctness and gay rights. Yea, for some reason the lesbian to gay dude ratio tilts insanely towards the lesbian side. Can’t take 3 steps without walking into a  plaid wearing butch couple spouting off about feminism. Yet the Boy Scouts of America decided this was the place to make a stand. I can picture the leaders of the Boy Scouts as being 90 year old men sitting around a wooden table they built themselves, still calling black people the coloreds, and making rules like it was the 1940’s. They couldn’t give two flying fucks about what the normal world demands. Would John Wayne let homos in the Boy Scouts? So why would they? Keep doing you Boy Scouts of America, keep the non athletic nerds that are actually a part of your organization from going gay, effectively removing any chance of them getting laid before 30.

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P.S.- John Wayne might be my favorite American ever. Do yourself a favor and watch a John Wayne movie ASAP. He plays the same exact character in about 300 Westerns and each one is spectacular.

 

 

Chris Petersen Making the People Laugh

 

Nice to see Chris bonding with the current Huskies on roster before he starts to bring in his crop of blue chippers that put UW over the top. This video was absolutely hysterical. The majority of these new uniform reveal videos go something like an AND 1 streetball crowd after a huge dunk. People just going crazy.  Usually it doesn’t matter what type of jersey  the school trots out, you are gunna see the black players bouncing off the walls and the white lineman trying not to look to awkward. I couldn’t even imagine being inside the Oregon locker room every time they reveal a new shiny neon travesty to the players. Some Duck WRs probably just kill themselves because they “Just can’t”. But the UW staff managed to piece together a uniform so ugly the team couldn’t celly at all. They had to sit there, stifle laughs, and think about how white and out of touch this new Coach Petersen is. If those turned out to actually be the unis I would be ready to chalk up a 0 win season based on team depression alone. A+ prank outta Coach and the new era in Husky football is starting off on a solid note.

 

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Worst Job Ever

This ad has been running for basically every March Madness game and since gambling rules my life I have seen the commercial 1,000,000 times. And it has me thinking about the whole Mayday button idea. Customer service to begin with has to be just an awful job, dealing with people complaining about a product you had no hand in creating and couldn’t give two shits about.. Multiply that by infinity because the Mayday button has made that entire interaction face to face. This technology is opening up the door to a room full of whiny nerds, clueless senior citizens, and the ever present Chat Roulette scenario. It might make me a complete sicko but the first thought that entered my mind when I saw that lady pop up to help Craig “Needs this Jacket Gimmick to Remain Relevant” Sager was, “She will be seeing her fair share of penis.” For some reason I just think the option to summon a person on command via camera means that dicks will be shown. In the world we live in I don’t think you can trust the majority of people with anything. People are crazy. In the comment section of Barstool I have read things that would make my mother weep. Mark my words, the Kindle Fire staff is gunna catch more than a few eyefuls of random hog.

 

P.S.    If a fiery red head like Amy popped up every time I hit the Mayday button… would most likely be showing her why they call it the Irish curse.

Goodnight Moon

 

Sending everyone off tonight with my wife, my Queen, my Khaleesi, Daenerys  Targaryen. I love Game of Thrones and one of the major reasons is this actress Emilia Clarke. It is a little weird because her character is supposed to be 13 in the first season, but all pedophilia aside she is certified smokeshow. So get geared up for the season 4 premiere on Sunday and enjoy this perfect piece of ace.

 

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